Another round! How friends can sabotage your budget and what to do about it

It’s a familiar scene. A friend asks you to meet up after work. Somehow a quick drink morphs into a “let’s meet up with such and such to grab a bite,” which then transforms into appetizers, entrees, and desserts, followed by another round of drinks with another round of friends.

Before you know it, you’re left with a huge bill at the end of the evening, even though you may have only consumed a teeny tiny fraction of what’s actually owed (thanks to the one or two people who always manage to ditch the group early or the one or two people who always seem to consume more than their fair share!)

Your budget is blown.

You swear this will never happen again. But alas, a few weeks pass and you find yourself in the exact situation. Maybe in a different restaurant or bar with a different group of friends, but it all seems like a scene out of Groundhog Day.

To prevent this from happening over and over again, you need to have a few tools in your back pocket so you can stay on track and not suffer from another spending hangover. Even though you have a budget, here are some practical strategies to help you stick to it, especially if you have friends, colleagues or family members who may not exactly be on the same financial page as you:

Tool #1: Scripts

To ward off tempting social situations, it’s not enough to simply anticipate that they will occur. You actually need to prepare what you will say and how you will act once they do, so that you don’t find yourself automatically agreeing to something just by default or because you’re caught off guard.

Have a couple of key phrases or responses when someone invites you out to do something that’s not in your budget. It could be something as simple as “I’d love to tag along for company, but I won’t be eating anything because I have leftovers at home” to “Sounds fun. But do you mind if we only go out for one drink and not do dinner?” to even sharing the truth by stating, “Great, but fyi I’m on a tight budget so it’ll be helpful if I can just pay for myself separately.”

Sometimes phrases like these seem so simple but are harder in the moment, so take some time to actually practice saying them to yourself, so they flow naturally and easily.

 Tool #2: Options

But what if you’re worried that, even with a script planned, it’ll be too tempting not to partake in all the festivities and that once you’re out, you’ll end up giving in? In this case, you’ll need more than a script planned; you’ll need to anticipate other options. When an invitation comes your way, have a few ideas of lower-cost alternatives that will still allow you to be still social and enjoy group activities. Perhaps you could suggest a free concert in the park, going for a run or walk together, watching movies or cooking at your house, etc.

I once had an artistic client who invited her friends to help her paint a mural on her apartment wall. Be creative: there are plenty of things you can do that don’t cost much money and can be just as much fun, if not more, than a typical evening at a restaurant or bar.

 Tool #3: Escape Routes

If you end up agreeing to a particular social event, you could also anticipate natural breaks when it makes sense for you to leave early. Make a promise to yourself to leave after one round of drinks, after an appetizer, or right after dinner, for example. (If you do this, just be sure to pay for your share – you don’t want to be one of those ditchers who leave others scrambling to cover what you owe!)

 Tool #4: Allies

Not everyone is out there to sabotage your budget! In thinking about how to stay on yours, consider people in your life who may be in a similar situation and who may also welcome creative ways to trim social spending.

In a dinner situation, for example you could sit near each other and decide together to share an entrée. Having an “ally” could also make it easier to cut out early from a social situation if you both agree to a time to leave beforehand.

Another great ally when out with a group in restaurants is a waiter or server: before ordering, let him or her know that you need your portion of the bill calculated separately.

Tool #5: Buy-in

Nothing sabotages a budget more than your own guilt or lack of resolve! Even with all the tools above, if you are feeling negative or resentful about needing to be mindful about your spending, your budget has no chance of surviving long-term. While it may work one night, you may set yourself up for “binge-spending” soon after and unconsciously over-spend to compensate.

To avoid this, you need buy-in, not from someone else, but from yourself. You need to own the fact that you have specific goals for how much you spend socially and be committed to them fully. If you are doing it from a place of “should” rather than “want,” it may be worthwhile to re-think your goals and make sure you can stick with them and for the right reasons.

Budgeting and being social do not have to conflict, you just need to plan ahead and have the right tools ready to go – for this kind of (spending) hangover, they work much better than any over-the-counter medicine you can find!